Social situations...
...can be second nature to some, but a massive challenge for others. Some people seem completely in their element when socialising—vibrant and confident. Others slip by almost unnoticed, hugging the walls, avoiding eye contact, and freezing if someone looks their way—or worse, speaks to them. Perhaps you recognised yourself in that second description? If so, please know that it's okay. I understand how you feel, and that is why I want to share a few thoughts and practical tips to help you find your ground quickly in these moments.
Because the root causes of social anxiety...
...differ from person to person, researchers haven't settled on a single definitive cause. However, several common life experiences have been shown to play a significant role. These include experiencing bullying, teasing, humiliation, ridicule, mockery, rejection, abandonment, or neglect. Even if these events happened years or even decades ago, their impact can still ripple through your interactions and relationships today.
According to the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), someone experiencing social anxiety may recognise the following symptoms:
- Persistent, intense fear or anxiety in social situations, stemming from the belief that others will judge, criticise, or reject them.
- Actively avoiding social situations that might trigger anxiety or fear.
- Experiencing a level of anxiety that feels disproportionate to the actual threat of the situation.
- Feeling anxiety or distress in social settings that actively interferes with daily life.
- Experiencing fear or anxiety in social situations that cannot be better explained by another medical condition, medication, or substance use.
How to quickly ground yourself when social anxiety strikes
- Find a place to sit. If that is not possible, you can easily do this standing up.\
- Allow yourself to relax.\
- Feel the weight of your body and the solid support of the ground beneath you.\
- If possible, rest your gaze on the table in front of you, on your lap, or on the floor. Avoid looking around the room for a moment. Gently bring your attention inward.\
- Slow down your breath, inhaling and exhaling gently. Allow your awareness to drop down into your body, arriving fully in the present moment—here and now.\
- Keep your focus on long, slow, and soft breaths. Continue this way until you feel the first wave of release and your breathing naturally deepens.\
- Now, having breathed and relaxed like this for a short while, imagine there are small openings (like gills) on the soles of your feet. Draw a long, slow breath up through these openings, letting it travel all the way up through your body. Imagine there is another opening at the crown of your head, through which you exhale slowly and deeply, letting your breath dissolve into the space around you.\
- Now, reverse the flow—breathe in through the crown of your head, let the breath wash slowly down through your body, and as you exhale, send it down through the soles of your feet, grounding yourself deep into the earth.\
- Continue with this breathing pattern until you feel more grounded, centred, and at ease.
The more you practice, the more natural and effective this will become. By weaving this simple exercise into your daily life, you will begin to notice that social situations have far less power over your emotional wellbeing.
Linda Pukk 23 November 2024
